


But you can't see the ropes

by honestlylemmejust



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Freeform, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Non face-to-face, helpline, hotline, kind of, suicide lifeline, trigger warning, whatever it's called
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:59:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestlylemmejust/pseuds/honestlylemmejust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you want to talk about?"<br/>"You." Is what Louis ends up saying. It's late and sometimes he just says whatever he wants to.</p><p>Or the one where Louis won't stop calling the Suicide Prevention Helpline and Harry won't stop answering</p>
            </blockquote>





	But you can't see the ropes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months ago, and I'm really pleased with it, I hope everyone enjoys (:  
> I just want to put a trigger warning on this just in case, because Louis is suicidal, like, from the very beginning and there are a few triggering things in the fic, so read at your own risk.  
> Also, again, I don't own anyone or anything, this is a work of total fiction blah blah blah  
> Also, also, I don't know anything about suicide prevention hotlines (other than the research I did on google) as I've never had to call one so if I get anything wrong please don't bite my head off thanks.

"Hello, how can I help you?"  
Louis takes a breath before he backs out. Zayn always told him to call if he couldn't call him, if something happened again that was too big for just them to handle. Louis wishes he had just called Zayn now. "Is this- this is the... prevention hotline, right?"  
The man on the other line doesn't laugh like Louis expected him to, instead his voice is very soothing. It's deep and Louis kind of wants this man to talk him to sleep. Maybe that's weird.  
"Yes," he says. "Is everything alright?"  
Louis frowns. "No."  
"What are you feeling?"  
Louis pulls the frayed strings on his carpet, staring at the floor where he's sat. "I'm alone. I feel so alone."  
"Are you contemplating suicide?" the man asks, and Louis wishes he could hang up and not tell him the truth.  
Instead of answering, Louis sort of avoids the question all together, because yes, of course he's contemplating it; he's always contemplating it. "If I hang up, do you call me back?"  
"I'd call you back." The man says, and Louis debates whether that's what he's supposed to say when someone tells him they're lonely, or if he really means that. The latter is obviously preposterous because Louis has literally only said three sentences to this man, there is no way he would take time out to call Louis when there are plenty of other kids with more problems, more danger of causing harm to themselves, trying to get their calls in. Actually really trying to prevent their suicide. Which, so is he, but still.  
"Um," Louis finally manages, because now that he's called he should probably answer the damn questions. "Yes, I have thought about, you know..."  
"In passing, or is this a serious thing you consider? For instance, have you made a plan?"  
Louis frowns again. "Um, I mean, I- I think about ways I could do it. All of the time actually... but only some nights I'm kept up by it and think, okay, I could really do this tonight."  
"Is tonight one of those nights?"  
"I called you, didn't I?" and then he backtracks because, god, he's just a good for nothing twat isn't he. He ruins everything, even a suicide prevention call. "Sorry, that was- sorry."  
"Its quite alright." the voice says, as soothing as ever. Louis pictures what he might look like, maybe not that old, he doesn't have an old voice, and possibly he has glasses. Louis likes glasses, but not on himself. "Do you have someone you can talk to when these situations arise, possibly a close friend?"  
"Yeah," Louis starts, and maybe he shouldn't be so lonely if he's got someone, but that's just the thing, he can't help it. That makes him feel worse. Zayn should be enough, he should be one of those free running kids with only his close friends and no cares in the world. He wonders if Zayn will leave him one day. "Yes, but he's pretty shit at talking me down I guess. He's busy, with his boyfriend you know? He told me to call this line if I start feeling like, you know, doing it again..."  
"How do you feel about your friendship with him?"  
Louis wonders maybe if this guy could be a psychiatrist. He pictures him in a tacky blazer. "I love him, but I guess I'm maybe slightly jealous of his relationship. Well, I don't know.... I guess I'm just lonely. I'm so lonely." and then Louis is spilling it all out finally. "I'm so fucking lonely, and I can't get close to anyone, you know? I'm always fucking up, or pushing them away, or summat. Even if I wanna be close. I'm like- I'm like... A bomb. No one wants to come near me because they know I'll hurt them, and if they do get close they see my time ticking down and they run. They get the fuck out of there, because I'm obviously a fuck up."  
"Hey, you're not a fuck up." the guy says, and his voice sounds even more soothing than before if that's possible. "Listen, its not your fault no one has taken the time to know you and get really close." Louis rolls his eyes because this guy doesn't know anything, but let's him continue anyway. "Why do you feel this way?"  
Louis huffs out a sigh. "Maybe it's stupid. I fell in love with a really stupid person.... A guy." he coughs, pausing just slightly, but the man on the phone just let's him continue. "He, um- people were very rude about me being gay, especially him, when I finally told him I, you know, had... feelings for him. They're still mean, even outside of school somehow. I guess I was wrong about people being like, liberal these days. I wish more people would accept me." Louis swallows and, fuck it, why not tell this guy, it's his job. Are they hired or do they volunteer? Whatever, he's just not going anywhere, and Louis is supposed to feel better before they can end the call. "I think that's why my dad left." he finally says. "Well, I guess he couldn't have known, but it's definitely why my step-dad and mum got divorced."  
"I'm sorry." Is what the man says, Louis wonders if this is more than he usually gets on a normal call. "These are the reasons you've thought about suicide?"  
"Yeah."  
"Have you tried taking your life before?"  
Louis shrugs even though he can't see. "I, um- sort of? I guess. I- well, it's sort of- I hurt myself sometimes?" and then he starts crying; he's never told anyone that before. He's quite the mess.  
"Hey," the guy says again. "You know, there's nothing wrong with you, and it's okay to be gay, or whatever you want to be. I'm sorry people are being dicks to you."  
Louis chuckles just a little. "Are you allowed to say that?" he says softly. He sniffles, glad he wasn't all out sobbing. He's got at least a shred of dignity left.  
"I know you won't tell on me."  
Louis let's himself smile at the small bit of banter. He still feels lonely. "Yeah, alright, I won't."  
"I'm sorry, its- what's your name?" The guy asks, and it's nice that he's finally the one who doesn't know exactly what to say. Louis knows that's not a regular question, especially judging by the nervous pull in his voice, even if it's just slight.  
"Louis." He tells him. "What's yours?"  
"Harry." Louis scrunches up his nose.  
There is a small silence. Louis sighs.  
"Louis," Harry says, breaking the silence, probably sensing that Louis still isn't okay. "I know it feels like... shit now, I swear to you, I've been there, but you shouldn't take your life. All of that stuff, your dad, the people at school, it's not your fault. They're not worth it."  
"Do you say that to everyone?"  
"I do whatever I can to prevent them from commiting suicide. It's different every time." he tells Louis. "how are you feeling now?"  
"Hm," Louis hums, thinking. "I suppose you're okay at your job. I'm still lonely though. Always lonely I guess."  
"Well, I'm here for as long as you need."  
Louis smiles slightly at that. "Thank you. I'm just- I'm sleepy and I wish... I wish that I had someone to spend every moment with. Like, someone who would let me."  
"You can talk to me until you fall asleep if you'd like." Harry says.  
"Thank you. I bet you help the most people."  
Harry chuckles lightly. "I really hope I do."  
"How old are you Harry?" and then Louis rethinks that question, realizing he's actually on the phone with some operator he's never even seen. "Or- you don't have to answer that."  
"Its okay, I'm just nineteen."  
"Did you volunteer for this job?"  
"Yes," Harry says.  
Louis stands up, stretching out his limbs slightly. "I'm gonna get in bed and try and sleep."  
There's a small second of silence as Louis gets in under the sheets, and then, "Would you like me to stay on the line?"  
"Yes." Louis says, probably too quick.  
"Okay."  
"Its just that you're really nice, and I know that when I hang up I won't be able to talk to you again if I call back." Louis says honestly.  
"I must have done an alright job then, yeah?" he teases.  
Louis huffs. "Yeah, I do feel a bit better."  
"I hope you won't have to call again, but if you do, just ask for Harry Styles. Promise me if you have to call again you'll ask."  
"Of course I will." he tells him, and he means it. "I think I'm gonna try and sleep."  
"I can stay on the line if you need me to." Harry offers.  
"Thank you, loads." and he really, really means it. "But I'm going to be fine tonight. Thank you."  
"Okay then, sleep well Louis. Call again for anything honestly, even if you just feel slightly lonely."  
Louis laughs. "You'd get quite tired of me, but okay thanks."  
"Never." Harry reassures him. "Goodnight."  
"Goonight." Louis replies and waits for Harry to hang up. Eventually he does.  
Louis sleeps better than he has in a while.

+

It happens again a week later.  
Its been a long week, and Louis had spent it mostly in bed, and avoiding going online because some boy was calling him names on his facebook wall. Louis considers deleting his account, but he doesn't wanna be a coward. He's just trying not to think about it. It's summer and he's not even in school, he's not even going back to high school next year. He doesn't know what he's doing with his life. Even the little shits he went to school with are planning for university, and Louis is just sitting around his house wondering how he'll ever be able to live on his own. His mother makes the best sandwiches, he can't leave her. He can't cook. He can't even get out of bed.  
So he calls, because he's lonely again, and Zayn has been out of town, looking at different universities, because he's leaving too. Louis hasn't texted him at all either. He kind of hates himself.  
"Hello, how can I help you?" it's a woman. She sounds nice, and Louis could talk to her, but then he remembers the last time he called, and he finds himself asking if he can speak to Harry.  
"Um, yes, one moment please."  
Louis wonders if a lot of people get put on hold when they're trying to call this line.  
After just a few minutes, Louis hears the voice he thought he might have imagined, asking if he can help.  
"Hey," Louis starts, wonders if Harry will remember him. He hopes he does. "Its Louis."  
Harry doesn't disappoint, and Louis is glad their conversation before wasn't a dream. "Hi Louis!" he says, probably too excitedly. Then he audibly lowers his voice, probably realizing how loud he was actually being. "Are you okay?"  
"Well," Louis says. "My friend, the one I told you about? Zayn, he's been gone for a week... He's looking at possible universities he can apply for. It's- it makes me nervous, because everyone is doing that, and I'm just sat at home thinking about maybe taking a gap year, but I think my mum's disappointed because she knows why I'm actually taking a gap year."  
"Why are you taking a gap year then?"  
Louis sighs. "I don't know. I don't do well on my own. I don't think I could handle it. I sort of never want to leave my bed either. My mum also makes good sandwiches." he cringes at how ridiculous he sounds.  
"Hm," Harry starts, "What if you start small? Like volunteer as an intern, or get a part time job."  
Louis whines, even though it's a good idea. "Why can't I just be a kid forever? I don't like to think about the future. I don't like my life."  
"Okay, well then let's not talk about it." Harry offers. "But just think about what I said about taking it slow, yeah?"  
Louis thinks Harry is really smart. "Okay."  
"What do you want to talk about?"  
"You." Is what Louis ends up saying. It's late and sometimes he just says whatever he wants to.  
Harry chuckles. "Okay, what do you want to know about me then?"  
"Do you have family?"  
"Yes, I have a mum, a step-dad and a sister." he answers smoothly like this isn't really that weird; maybe it's not.  
"Whats your middle name?"  
"Edward. What's yours?"  
Louis smiles. "William."  
"I like it."  
Louis let's himself smile a little wider. "Thank you."  
"How are you feeling tonight?" Harry asks, because right, that's his job.  
"I'm- I'm sad. But I guess I'm alright. I just wish I wasn't me, you know?"  
"I understand. I'm here if you want to talk about it." Louis kind of hates him and likes him alot too.  
"I don't. Well, I might. We'll see." he pauses. "Can I ask you more questions?"  
"Seeing as you already have," he teases.  
Louis smiles. "Okay, what made you want to volunteer?"  
"I like helping people. It makes me happy."  
"Do you have any issues? Is that too personal?" Louis is nervous that this isn't as casual as he percieves it.  
"Nothing is too personal, honestly. And yeah, I've been struggling with depression, but being able to make myself get out of the house and help other people, seeing them smile, or knowing I saved a life... It's a good reason to get up in the morning. Or afternoon." he chuckles. "I do work pretty late."  
"Do you go to school?" Louis asks next. He wonders if he's supposed to acknowledge the things Harry is telling him, but he's never been good at conversation.  
"Yeah, I do afternoon classes at uni, I'm majoring in photography. It's my first year, but it's working out alright."  
Louis is a little intimidated by the fact that Harry is only a year older, but he's apparently got his life sorted out already.  
He decides to move on. "Do you have a girlfriend?"  
Harry snorts. Actually snorts. "No, I don't."  
"Boyfriend?" he then asks, because why the hell not?  
"None of those either."  
"Are you gay?"  
"You're quite forward, aren't you?"  
"Sorry, too personal?" Louis feels bad now.  
"Never. I'm pansexual I think, but... I don't know. Labels are pretty stupid when you're talking about sexuality."  
Louis feels so much younger than him, it's so weird. "Hm."  
"Do you wanna know anything else?" Harry asks, and Louis wonders again if this should be weird.  
"Do you always let people ask you questions?" is what he decides to ask, make sure that this is... He's not even sure really.  
"No." Harry says flat-out, and okay, that's a thing.  
"Just me?"  
"You, yeah. Is it weird if you seem special to me?"  
Louis knows it should be, but he says no. "Although, I don't want or need your pity."  
"It's not pity."  
"Okay. If I go to sleep now can I call you again another time?" he asks. He wants to think about this by himself for a while.  
"Yes. Just ask for me again when you call." Harry reminds him.  
"I will. Goodnight." Louis hangs up very quickly this time.

+

Louis calls again three days later. Maybe it's unhealthy, and he doesn't really have that much of a reason to call other than being lonely, but he just really likes hearing Harry's voice on the other side of the call.  
When the person answers, Louis asks as normally as he can, "Could I speak to Harry Styles please?"  
"Louis?" Is the answer he hears back.  
"Um... Hi."  
"Its Harry."  
Louis finds himself smiling. "Oh. Hello."  
"Hi. Are you okay?"  
He wants to say that he is now, but that's cheesy and slightly creepy. "Yeah, just lonely I guess."  
"Okay, let's talk."  
And then it starts from there. Twice a week, three times a week. Louis feels happy that there is actually someone who wants to talk to him before he goes to bed at night, and when he's really sad, or when he's not that sad. It's nice. Harry answers questions, asks Louis questions, gives him advice. He helps Louis get his mind off of what he's feeling mainly and that's the best bit. It's nice, he hasn't smiled this much in a long time.  
But then it happens.  
It had been a nice day, just walking in the park. Louis hadn't seen him in so long, and it's like he came out of nowhere. Louis sprints home, out of breath and crying, his hair fallen across his forehead. Of course his mum wants to know what's wrong, but he locks himself in his room.  
All of his thoughts are floating around his head and he just wants it to stop because he really doesn't wanna think about him, ever. He sits down on the floor, pressing his left thumb down into his thigh, just trying to ground himself enough to fish his phone out of his pocket with his right hand. He shakily finds the number and he calls.  
"Hi, could I please speak to Harry Styles?"  
"I'm sorry?" the lady asks him softly.  
"The operator, his name is Harry?" he's a bit out of breath. He squeezes his leg harder, nails digging into his skin. "I need to talk to him."  
"Hold on one moment please." and then, nearly the longest twenty seconds of Louis' life later, she comes back on the line, "Im sorry, he's not working right now."  
"Fuck. Do you know when he'll be back?" Louis is trying not to sound like he's crying, although he's not doing a very good job.  
"Around 6pm tonight. Are you feeling alright? Is there any way I can help?"  
"Make him come in to work sooner?" Louis says pathetically. It's still an hour and a half away.  
"I'm sorry," She says again. "I can have him call this number when he gets into work if you'd like?"  
"Please." Louis whines. He kind of hates everything right now, even this poor lady who's done nothing wrong. "I'm going to hang up now." He tosses his phone and then climbs onto his bed because all he wants to do is sleep until Harry calls him.  
So he does.  
He wakes up to his phone ringing and his head pounding. He still feels like absolute shit, but he answers the phone anyway.  
"Lou, are you okay? You usually call at night, is everything alright?" it's Harry of course, because how could Louis possibly forget that he was going to call him. He feels guilty making him worry like that, but mostly he just feels a little light headed and groggy.  
"Hi." Is what he says.  
Harry takes a breath. "Hi Louis. Hi. Are you okay?"  
Louis huffs out a no.  
"Whats wrong love, what happened?"  
He takes a deep breath. It's not the first time Harry has called him a pet name, it's not the first time he's been worried about him, and it's certainly not the first time that Louis has gotten butterflies. It's been a few months that he's been talking to Harry, although he's still not sure if that's something they were supposed to be doing, but he kept his word and called him only when he was feeling kind of down, so that counts for something at least. Maybe it was that fact, or just because Harry is so perfect that Louis developed a crush. It was only a matter of time anyway.  
"Um, I saw someone today..."  
"Who did you see?"  
Louis takes a shaky breath, because he will not cry again. "An old boyfriend. I guess, I never really mentioned him because I put it at the back of my mind and I don't like talking about him."  
"Can you tell me about him now?" and Louis might be making it up, but maybe he hears just a slight hint of jealousy in Harry's words.  
"Um, I think so..." then he pauses for a while, and Harry just waits, he always just waits, doesn't push anything out of Louis.  
But then, "Did he hurt you?"  
Louis nods and starts crying at that. He knows Harry doesn't mean it literally, but god, if he only knew. "Yes."  
Harry catches on though. "Physically?"  
"Yes."  
"He's a dick. I'm sorry but, no one should ever be treated like that. Especially not you."  
The words hang there and Louis just cries. He doesn't really know what to think anymore. "I think, maybe I deserved it."  
"No Louis, don't think that, don't even say it. You're-" he lowers his voice "I think you're perfect."  
Louis scoffs, but he still feels that expanding in his chest, his heart beating just a few beats faster. "Well, you're wrong."  
"Well if I am, I don't wanna be right."  
Louis chuckles at that through his tears. "God, you're so lame."  
Harry laughs along too. "You wound me."  
Louis just smiles because wow, he really likes Harry. He has for a while. "Hey,"  
"Yeah?"  
"Thank you. I was so upset earlier today. He- I haven't seen him in a long time, I didn't know he was out of jail. I was only sixteen and... I thought we were in love." Louis sniffs, shakes his head. "He really did a number on me."  
"I'm sorry Louis. I wish I could fix it. Rewind time, make it never happen." he sighs. "Are you okay. Did you- are you hurt?"  
Louis peels back the blankets to inspect his leg. "Just a tiny bruise on my leg. It's nothing, I'm fine."  
"God Lou," Harry breathes. "Thank you for calling though. I felt so bad I wasn't there."  
"Did you call me with your cell phone?" Louis asks because he didn't recognize the number.  
"Well," Harry starts and Louis is pretty sure he can hear him smiling as he talks. "I thought maybe it was time we could talk at other hours during the day too."  
Louis chuckles. "Well I suppose I can't refuse an offer like that."  
"You can text me and everything too." Harry adds. "I can text you during my boring classes." He sounds excited, Louis knows that he probably is; he's excited himself.  
"Sounds good." he says.  
"Im glad you're okay. If anything happens, call me okay? I'm always gonna answer."  
"You mean I don't have to ask around for you anymore?"  
He laughs. "Never." There's a bit of shuffling on the other end. "Shit," Harry says. "I've really gotta get to work, but... You're okay, Lou?"  
"I think I will be."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yes, now quit worrying about me and go."  
Harry chuckles. "So ungrateful. Okay, I'll text you. I lov-" He clears his throat. "Later. I'll text you later."  
Louis squeaks out a bye and tosses his phone across the room. He probably heard Harry wrong. He probably acidentally said the word wrong, obviously.  
Completely.

+

_I got a job!! x_

_NO WAY! seeeee i told u xx_

_Yeah yeah, shut up :p x_

Louis smiles and pockets his phone. Okay, sure it's not really a job as much as it is volunteering, but he had to be picked out of a very small list of applicants, so that's definitely cool. It makes him feel really good, and gets his mind off of the fact that Zayn is moving away in a little over a week to live with Liam and go to university. It's devastating. Niall is taking his gap year though, so he comes and visits Louis at his "job". But only sometimes because he's allergic to cats.  
Louis thinks Harry would really like the job; it's at a local animal hospital. He only works in the front, aswering the phone and reading a script when people ask him certain questions, but he thinks he's doing alright. The best part is that Harry was right about taking small steps, and it feels good to leave the house every once in a while. It's only twice a week, so it's actually perfect.  
He's been at it for at least two weeks, but he's been waiting in case he backed out of it before telling Harry, but now he's pretty sure he's gonna stay a little while at least.  
He doesn't feel lonely as much either because him and Harry don't ever really stop talking. The only problem is that he loves Harry, in a not-very-friendly way, and he wishes he could talk about it, but then Harry would have to find out. He does bug Niall and Zayn about it though, it's probably the only reason he's managed to keep it cool for so long because at least he can talk to someone about it. They don't really have very good advice though. Louis is beginning to feel a little helpless about it.  
But he forgets about it for a while, and texts Harry back, pretending that he only likes him as a friend.

+

Louis calls Harry in tears when Zayn finally leaves. He's an absolute mess, sobbing into his pillow and trying to explain to Harry how shit he feels over the whole situation. He feels like this whole time he's just been tricking himself into being happy when he knew Zayn was leaving and when he's never even seen the boy he's in love with, which should be strange but he hasn't even got time to think about that.  
"Its like the only really solid person in my life is gone."  
He tries not to feel guilty when he hears the tone in Harry's voice as he says, "I'm a solid person."  
Louis huffs. He's not trying to be bitter, he just is. Harry has no idea. "I've never even seen you. It's- sorry I'm just upset about Zayn leaving."  
"Should I send you a picture or, can you- do you want to skype or something? I just didn't think that-"  
"This isn't even about you." Louis says, cutting him off.  
"Should I leave you alone?" Harry asks reluctantly.  
"I don't know, I'm sorry."  
"It's okay." he sighs.  
"I'll call you later, okay? I promise."  
Harry tries to act nonchalant, just saying it's cool, and then Louis says bye before hanging up.  
He cries a little more than he probably should.

An hour later Harry sends Louis a picture of him and Louis falls deeper in love with curly hair and green eyes. He hates himself.

+

It's awkward the first time they skype, but it's also nice too.  
Harry makes goofy faces and makes Louis laugh alot. They talk about stupid stuff, serious stuff. Harry asks Louis if he's okay too much.  
Louis thinks he's more in love than before, which might be impossible.  
It's made even worse because Harry is kind of an unforgiving compliment giver. It's the first time he's really seen Louis so he, of course, comments on how blue (and beautiful) Louis' eyes are. Louis wonders how he could ever see Harry as a friend, with his damn dimples and his stupid fucking hair. He hates everything.  
The dimples must be commented on, but Louis can't think of anything else to say besides, "Nice face." Which, he actually does end up saying.  
"Oh," Harry laughs. "Thanks, I think?"  
"Yeah," Louis says, hoping his blush doesn't show up on the camera. "It was definitely a compliment."  
Harry bats his eyelashes and pretends to be flattered. Louis really can't stand him.  
"You're ridiculous." he teases.  
Harry smiles and then gets all serious again. "Its really good to see you, even like this. I'm really glad we did this."  
Louis smiles back, hoping Harry can't read everything his mind is saying on his face. "Yeah, me too. We should do this more often."  
Harry nods enthusiastically. "Before we go, I think we should do a camera kiss, yeah?" then he laughs and goes up to his camera, kissing it. When Louis looks at him, probably confused, he rolls his eyes. "Bring it in, Lou."  
So they do, and Louis wonders what it would be like to really kiss him.  
When him and Harry finally hang up he sits around for a couple hours trying to figure out what the gesture meant exactly. He's probably in too deep.

+

"Should we try skyping this evening?" Louis asks Harry.  
Harry hums in response. "I think I wanna see you in person person."  
Louis laughs. Hes glad that Harry doesn't hold it against him when he gets moody or has an outburst. Or sometimes a break down. He just helps him through it, just wants to make sure he's okay. They can just carry on to another conversation, even after he's been crying or being ridiculous.  
Louis isn't sure he could handle seeing Harry in person though, without telling him how he feels. "How do I know you're not some serial killer?"  
"Right, because if I was I would definitely volunteer to work at a suicide prevention center."  
Louis holds back a laugh. "I don't know what you do in your spare time."  
Harry laughs. "Okay Louis."  
"You live in London." he says, suddenly getting serious.  
"I'm aware. How about I come to visit you at work since I know where that is?"  
Louis doesn't really know what to say. "Um, how? And don't you think it's a bit odd?"  
Harry chuckles at him. "You gave me the name of the place and you've told me where you live. The internet is an amazing tool you know, I can google it."  
"Okay, but still." Louis repeats his question, "Dont you think it's a bit odd?"  
"You have no idea." Harry tells him, and Louis has no idea what that means. "I'll come tomorrow. Don't fight it."  
"Harry," Louis whines. "it's not that I don't wanna meet you in person, it just seems crazy for you to come all that way."  
"Nonsense." Harry says. "I have a car and it's only three hours, honestly it's okay. Plus, I don't wanna make you meet with me in the middle or something. It wouldn't be fair."  
"What does that mean?" Louis asks, a bit more defensive.  
"You wouldn't go."  
Louis almost hates how right he is. "Fine."  
"Do you not want to see me?" Harry asks and he sounds just a tiny bit annoyed but mostly hurt.  
"No, no. I just- it's fine. I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?"  
Harry just makes a noise of affirmation. "As long as you'll have me."  
"I suppose if I have to." Louis teases. He's trying to hide his nervousness.  
"Alright, so then I'll see you Louis."  
Louis thinks he might puke.

+

Niall is laughing at him, and honestly Louis might kill him if he doesn't leave in the next five minutes. He's sort of frantic, and he's certainly never dressed this nice to work before, or probably ever in his life. Niall isn't really helping his nervousness either, by pointing out that his shirt looks a bit wrinkled, or that maybe he should have worn tighter jeans. Louis is this close to ripping off Nialls face.  
Not to mention he's hungry. Harry told him to wait for him before taking his lunch break, but then he started running late, and Louis' stomach has been reminding him of that like, every freaking second.  
Niall pokes him just as a car pulls up and parks all the way across the parking lot, hopping off the counter with a thump. "Well, I think I'll be off then." and, sending a wink back at Louis, Niall makes his overly-dramatic exit out of the building, slapping Harry on the shoulder on his way across the lot.  
Which, wait. Louis' brain short circuits for a moment as he watches Harry, all thoughts of killing Niall gone out the window. The first thought that crosses his mind is of course, _holy fucking shit it's actually Harry in the actual flesh._ But then Harry smiles at him through the glass door as he walks up the steps and _dimples_ how could he have forgotten the fact that _Harry has fucking dimples._  
Harry opens the door, and the sound of the bell on the door makes Louis' heart drop down into his stomach because _Harry just made the bell ring so this must be real._  
"Hi." he says timidly.  
Louis almost forgets to say it back because Harry's voice sounds so much better in real life than on the phone. "Hi, hello. You're here."  
Harry just grins back at him like Louis isn't acting completely like a fool. "C'mere and give me a hug."  
And, honestly, how could Louis possibly even begin to even consider saying no. He gets off of his chair, nearly falling on his face, and stumbling forward towards Harry, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist.  
Harry ruffles his hair and rubs his back lightly before squeezing his shoulders and wrapping his arms around him. "Hey."  
"God, you're so fucking tall." is what Louis says back. He can feel Harry's laugh rumble through his body where they're pressed together. His heart is racing and, it seems, so is Harry's. He presses his ear up close to his chest and listens to the steady thumping and wonders how he could possibly be the cause of something so wonderful.  
But then of course, his stomach does that wonderful thing again, reminding him he's hungry. He frowns when Harry laughs.  
"Do you wanna get something to eat with me?"  
Louis smirks, feeling a bit more comfortable but still not positive he won't faint at any given moment. "Harry, are you asking me on a date?" he says in a joking tone.  
Harry smiles back but doesn't deny, taking Louis by the hand and dragging him out of the building.  
"Wait, wait!" Louis reluctantly pulls him back before letting go of his hand. "I should at least tell them I'm taking my break, or... cutting out early."  
Harry frowns and Louis wishes he could just not be responsible and run away with Harry forever, but this might be the only job he'll ever get, even though it's not exactly a job, but still.  
"It'll just be a minute. Wait here?"  
Harry bites his lip and nods.  
Louis is pretty sure he's forgetting something once he walks out the door, but he can't really bring himself to care. He let's Harry take his hand again, and they walk across the parking lot.  
"How long do I get you?" Harry asks.  
"Um," Louis starts, quite eloquently. "Like, I could just... Like, I don't have to come back after this. We close in like thirty minutes anyway."  
Harry smiles over at him and then they both get into his car. Louis thinks he might puke, and it's almost exhausting to keep from leaning over and kissing the living daylights out of Harry's stupid face.  
When he realizes Harry isn't moving the car he gives him an odd look. "You alright?"  
Harry smiles at him again. It seems like all he does is smile. "Yeah, I just- I don't know where to go."  
Louis nearly smacks his face against the dashboard in embarrassment, because of course Harry doesn't live here so he doesn't know his way around. "Right sorry, that's my bad."  
Harry shrugs and continues smiling at Louis in that way that makes his heart constrict and his fingers tingle. "Thats okay."  
"Just pull out and go to the left, I'll give you directions from there."  
But Harry just sits there not moving, still looking over at Louis.  
Louis makes a funny face at him, tries to get rid of the tension, but then they're just sat there a couple more minutes staring at each other.  
"God." Harry breathes and then he turns to the steering wheel again, pulling out a little faster than necessary. Louis hopes he's not a bad driver, not that it would really matter because he wouldn't mind dying in a car with Harry.  
Louis sighs. This might be a pretty long day afterall.

They eat like normal people in a little cafe that Louis really likes, if he ever actually does leave his house to go anywhere besides work. Louis is surprised by the fact that he's managed to maintain his self-control thusfar. He's not sure how much longer he can hold out, watching Harry's lips as he talks, without wanting to kiss him until they can't breathe. Louis is pretty sure he can just give him mixed signals before kissing him on his cheek and then sending him on his way back home, carefully avoiding the fact that he's never been more in love with anyone than he is with Harry.  
And it might have worked too, if Harry hadn't given Louis that smile again. Louis knows he's a goner; he always has been.  
He only has two options really, but he's neven really been the best at making decisions. He almost wishes Harry will catch on and either kiss him or let him down gently and tell him that he's not interested, which sort of makes Louis want to puke.  
It takes a while, and they leave the restaurant before Louis works up the nerve to ask him a simple question.  
He takes a deep breath, stands by his side of the car, watching Harry walk towards him. "Hey," he says, but Harry doesn't seem to be listening.  
Instead Harry just zeroes in on Louis and then, before Louis' brain can even make the connection, Harry's lips are on his.  
He freezes up completely.  
There are a few awkard seconds where Harry is kissing and Louis is not kissing, and it's not exactly what he had in mind, but he sort of just fucks up a lot of things.  
Harry pulls away, his hands still wrapped around Louis' biceps. "Sorry, I just thought-" He won't meet Louis' eyes, keeps looking at his stupid boots.  
"No Harry, I just- I wasn't expecting it, and I-" He cuts himself off, pulling Harry in by his shirt, pressing their lips together with some sort of renewed zeal. Harry makes a noise out of suprise and Louis has never really appreciated the honey-like aspect of his voice as much as he should, until now.  
Of course, making out isn't exactly the most appropriate thing to do outside of Louis' favorite restaurant, and thankfully Harry gets that, so he pulls away, albiet reluctantly.  
He rests his forehead on Louis' and smiles this brillant smile, and Louis is quite positive Harry shines brighter than the goddamn sun.  
So he laughs. He laughs, and he feels lighter and happier than he has in a really long time. Harry doesn't stop smiling at him.  
"Come to my house."  
Harry blanches slightly, probably not expecting that reaction. "Are- are you sure?"  
Louis nods very enthusiastically. "My mom isn't even home so it doesn't have to be awkward. Come home with me." Louis doesn't even stop to think what Harry might think he's hinting at, because it doesn't matter, he just wants to be with him, he'd give Harry anything.  
"Okay." Harry gives him another chaste kiss on the lips, and then he smiles, retreating to his side of the car like he's going to be gone for more than two seconds.  
Louis is so fucking in love with him it kind of hurts.

+

Harry looks very large in contrast to Louis' room, considering he's only used to small people occupying it. Harry's kind of a stupid giant. He insists on holding Louis' hand even though his sort of engulfs Louis', although Louis won't admit he kind of likes it.  
"I actually did sort of tidy up just in case believe it or not." He says, kicking a pair of jogger bottoms to the corner of the room. "Please stop standing in the doorway, it's weird."  
Harry takes a step forward and timidly shuts the door behind him. "Can I sit?" He asks, gesturing towards the bed.  
Louis sighs, rolls his eyes. "You're such a fucking dork. Please sit, I _encourage_ you to sit."  
Harry smiles at that, seeming more at ease now that Louis is teasing him. He sits.  
Louis sits next to him.  
Harry takes off his shoes and Louis kisses his neck. "I like you. Come cuddle with me."  
Harry smiles softly at Louis. "Okay."  
So he let's Louis pull him under the covers, and he let's Louis curl up against his side, and he let's Louis tangle their legs together, and Louis is very, very happy.  
"Harry?"  
"Hm?" He responds, resting his head on Louis'.  
"I'm really glad you kissed me today, because I'm not sure if I could have worked up the courage." He smiles softly to himself because god, this is just really nice.  
"I'm glad I kissed you too."  
Louis hums in response and let's a silence fall before he pipes up again. "Harry?"  
He chuckles. "Yes?"  
"Guess what."  
"What?"  
"I'm not lonely anymore."  
Harry smiles, looks down at Louis when he looks up. Louis closes the space between them because he can, and he really, really, really likes kissing Harry.  
And then they just talk, and it's like when they used to over the phone, except better because Harry is actually right there, and he's a real, solid person and he actually wants to be here with Louis. Louis is almost afraid that it's all a dream, but probably not because it feels pretty real.  
"So," Harry says, and he sounds reluctant, but then it's all tumbling out and Louis is worried, he's very worried. "What happens when I go home?"  
Of course, Louis is a child so he tells Harry that he could just stay forever. "I could keep you in my pocket." he suggests, and Harry just chuckles, kissing Louis' hair affectionately.  
"Think I'm a bit too big for that."  
"You're a giant." Louis agrees. "I really don't wanna think about it though. I want you to stay the night."  
And Louis shouldn't be surprised really when all Harry says is "okay", but he is. It feels like it shouldn't be this easy, like Harry should be putting up some sort of a fight, like Louis is holding him against his will. But he's not, and he really does want to be here with Louis and Louis loves him. He loves him so much.  
"You're gonna come and visit me again, right?" He finds himself asking, trying to bite back the insecurity in his voice.  
Harry sighs, places a kiss to Louis' temple. "Yes."  
"Do you think this will last?" He knows it's ridiculous, but he can't stop himself from asking.  
Harry turns just slightly so he can look Louis in the face. "Of course. I mean, if you'll have me, there's no other place I'd rather be if I'm honest. I-" he smiles "I like you a lot... I think I could love you, so. It should last a bit I suppose."  
Louis knows the last thing is a little teasing just to ease whatever tension or awkwardness could have resulted from him making that confession, but Louis knows where this is going, and he'd rather be alone forever than let this go to waste. "Well, I love _you_ Harry Styles."  
Harry just sort of bites his lip and gives Louis a questioning look, probably enquiring to whether or not he's completely serious, if it's okay.  
Louis nods.  
"Yeah, okay. I love you too."  
"So. You should stay tonight."  
Harry smiles, literally beams, at Louis. "No place I'd rather be."  
Louis smiles back. He doesn't feel lonely at all now, so yeah, he's pretty sure he agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending is quite cheesy I apologize I'm really bad at endings.  
> kudos and comments are appreciated (:  
> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> Also, here's my tumblr ([x](http://sunflowerlouis.tumblr.com/))


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